Friday, May 13, 2005

A Horror Story Since its Friday 13th

When I sit at my desk I have my legs wrapped around like a pretzel in my chair, usually leaning on one side. This is not good for my back, but I do it unconsciously, and only notice when my leg falls asleep or my back starts hurting. I’m thinking about this a lot since I’ve been at my desk writing and revising and rewriting. I’m trying to break the habit.

But, when I took my area exams, I had one week to answer two questions, each requiring about 15 page answers (of course I went over, just a smidge). I was writing my ass off, in another zone, for the entire week. So by the end of the week when I handed in my exams, I noticed I’d really hurt myself. I mean the pain went from the back of my left thigh up through to my lower left back continuing up through to my right shoulder blade. It was the most painful back problem I’ve ever had.

So I went to get a massage the next day. The horror begins. This was only my second professional massage in my life, so I was excited. I went to a place on campus with an advertisement out in front (get a recommendation first!!). She seemed nice enough. So I went into the room where the massage was to take place, undressed and got under the sheet. Everything normal so far, right? I thought so.

Then she came in and was really chatty. First of all, I was exhausted. Second, I’m not usually that talkative and when I’m getting a massage I’d like to just relax, not have to make conversation. I needed to be healed for godsake; I was in serious pain. So I tell her about the pain and my exams, hoping she'd get the hint I was exhausted. In fact I think I said I was exhausted. She then asked what program I was in, (and this is where it all started I realize looking back) and of course I answer sociology.

I think she mistook me for a psychologist and thought she might get some free therapy while she tried to work out my kinks. A half hour goes by (I was paying for) and she had told me about all three of her unhappy marriages! Trying to be a generally nice person I attempted to console her, also praying she'd stop. I could see she was snowballing.

Then, she proceeded to tell me how horrible of a mother she has been for her daughter and starts CRYING!! I was laying there face up, under a sheet, as she did some funky thing with my leg. She had to stop the massage, go outside the room, leaving the door open, while I laid under the sheet, naked and completely vulnerable! I mean I’m not a prude, but c’mon.

Finally, after a few minutes, she came back with tissues and finishes her story. By then, I no longer felt like being nice. I was pissed. I went to be treated for some serious pain, not give some free therapy. However, I was still naked under the sheet. So, she had me trapped. She finished her story, rather than finish my massage. Left, this time closing the door.

I dressed quickly. Paid for the services not rendered, and left no tip. I hadn't imagined such drama could happen during a massage. I’d also never realized being confused with a psychologist could have such dire consequences.
*I had to update the title to make clear this didn't happen on a Friday the 13th.

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